Racers verses Etiquette
by august child
Summary: When Tezla boasts to his old friend that he's got the best workers anyone could ever ask for, he gets himself, and the racers invited to a formal banquet. Problem is, formal and dancing isn't in most of the racers vocabulary!
1. A cordial invite

**Hey everyone! THis story has been spinning in my mind for a while so I finally decided to post it!**

**Hope ya enjoy!**

* * *

Peter Tezla stared at the computer screen thoughtfully. He had just gotten hold of one of his old college friends and was in the process of waiting for his email reply.

So far they had discussed the "good old days" and other stuff like that, when Tezla asked what he was doing for a living these days.

The small ding from the speakers announced that Jason had just replied.

_"Pete,_

_I don't work anymore, I turned in my stocks and became a billionaire, isn't life great? I am still unmarried and enjoy throwing big parties. How about you?"_

Tezla thought for a moment. He wasn't as fortunate as Jason, it probably wouldn't be a good idea to tell him the truth, so he lied.

_"Jason,_

_ I to have been blessed with a large sum of money, but instead of retirement I opened a professional car repair. The prices are high, but your car will be better than brand new. I've got professional mechanics that all come from wealthy families. They are the most well bred and knowledgeable group that you could ever find."_

After a few minutes Jason replied.

_"Pete,_

__

You always were into cars weren't you. OK I've got an idea, why don't you come to one of my parties? It's formal dress code and there'll be some formal dancing to. Even better, why don't some of your workers come to? I won't take no for an answer Pete. the parties at my place next week at 7 o'clock.

Well, I'm off to the golf course! See you there!"

He stared at the screen, reread it a couple times just to make sure he wasn't having a really bad hallucination, then groaned. Him and his big mouth.

Tezla got up and looked out the window over the garage. Kurt seemed to be helping Monkey with his car, while Monkey was babbling on and on in the drivers seat obviously asking alot of questions. everyone else was probably resting or in the "relax room" as they called it.

Maybe some of them could pass off as "formal people", maybe if he was really lucky one of them actually knew how to dance formally.

Tezla was snapped out of his daze when a large boom was heard and a mushroom cloud of black smoke came from the back of Monkey's car. Which, unfortunately was where Kurt was.

The next thing he knew a black faced Kurt was chasing Monkey all around the garage with a big wrench.

"Doctor Tezla? I've got a couple questions about the... Is everything alright? you look kinda pale."

Tezla turned to Lani.

"No Lani. Everything is not alright. Take a look at this!"

Lani slowly walked over to the email Tezla was pointing at. After she read it Lani turned to Tezla with a horror stricken look.

"You're going to turn up at his party with the drivers?!"

"And what other choice do I have?! Maybe they won't be so bad."

Just then Kurt walked in. All his face and uniform was black except for a outline around his face of where his racing goggles were.

"Monkey needs a new car, and probably a new face once I get through with him." He growled.

Kurt looked up to see Lani shaking her head and Tezla was banging his head on the wall.

"Maybe this is a bad time." Kurt mumbled back stepping out of the office.

* * *

"Why? Why?! Why!"

Tezla thought as he kept pounding his head on the wall. Then a thought occurred to him.

"Lani, do you know how to dance?"

Lani, a bit surprised that Tezla would ask such a question, replied hesitantly.

"Well, my dad taught me practically every dance known when I was thirteen, I remember a few of them. But I know for a fact that Karma is really good at any kind of dancing."

Well that's good, because you girls are going to be teaching a bunch of incompetent men how to dance."

Lani blinked a couple times, hoping this was all a horrible dream, anytime now she was going to wake up and be annoyed with Monkey trying to profess his undying love. But unfortunately, everything was still there. Tezla, the email, smoke stained windows, everything!

"Me and Karma are going to teach the guys how to dance?"

Tezla nodded.

"Well not all of them of course, I give you a list of who you have to teach. Wylde is out of the question. With his drone arm and all. But it's not just dancing Lani. Your going to have to teach them propper etiquette, table manners, everything that they might come across when there. You can go and break the news to them now, they'll need time to prepare."

Lani groaned. This was not going to end well.

She stormed out of the control room, stomped down the hall trying to find the words to tell the boys as gentally as she could.

Just when she turned the corner she came face to face with Karma.

* * *

**Well what did you think? Please review and tell me what you thought!**

"Oh hey Lani, I was just looking for you. Kurt was wondering where Monkey was, he had this murderous look in his eye. Do you know anything about that?"


	2. Breaking the news

**I'm Back! Thanks for the reviews! Hope I don't disappoint!**

* * *

_While Tezla was emailing:_

"So if you see a girl you really like, but she doesn't really notice you, what would a guy do in a situation like that?"

Kurt groaned, after loosing a game of rock paper scissors against Marky, (who he was sure was cheating since everything Marky made with his metal fist looked the same), he had to help Monkey with his car.

"Well?" Monkey leaned under his car to see if Kurt was listening.

With a sigh Kurt slid out from under the car.

"Monkey I'm really not the best person to answer that question."

"But there's know one else. I talked to Tork, who told me to ask Nolo, who told me to ask Taro, who told me to ask you. Really there's no one else who would have the know how and I"

"Alright try it now." Kurt interrupted. He was getting a headache and really didn't feel like putting up with Monkey for much longer.

'Oh, ok." Monkey pressed down on the gas peddle. All he got was the engine trying to start. Kurt walked to the back of the car and looked down the exhaust pipe.

"Ok Monkey, now when I say, 'press down', you slowly..."

**Boom!**

"How was that?" Monkey asked. Jumping out of the drivers seat and stared expectantly to the rear of the car. Black smoke was billowing out of the car and Monkey could almost swear he saw Tezla watching from the control room.

Gloved hands shakily grasped the back of the car, then Kurt pulled himself up. His whole face was covered in black smoke. He removed his racing goggles revealing his deep blue angry eyes.

"Uh, you told be to press down, right?"

"Monkey, you have three seconds to run before I hunt you down, chop you up, and serve you to the Metal Maniacs for breakfast." Kurt growled.

"Uh, Kurt?"

"One."

"Your not serous are you?"

"Two."

"Oh man you are."

"Three!" Kurt leaped up, grabbed a wrench and started chasing the retreating Monkey all across the garage.

Monkey pushed over a pile of tires, tripping Kurt in the process and made a bee line for the relax room. When he bolted into the room tripping on a book basket that Karma insisted on keeping around and crash landed into a startled Shirako and Karma.

"You guys never saw me!" Monkey stated before diving behind the couch.

Kurt soon marched into the room.

"Have you two seen Monkey?"

Shirako and Karma exchanged glances.

"Uh, no. Why?"

"Never mind. If you see him either let me know or tell him to start filling out his will."

With that, Kurt marched back out.

Directly after Kurt left Monkey jumped up, hurriedly mumbled his thanks and ran out the door and to the general direction of the Metal Maniac's wing.

After a awkward silence, Shirako spoke up.

"Man, Monkey's dead meat."

Karma nodded in agreement and got up to see if Lani knew what Monkey had done to earn Kurt's wrath. After walking for a few minutes, a worried Lani turned the corner.

"Oh hey Lani, I was just looking for you. Kurt was wondering where Monkey was, he had this murderous look in his eye. Do you know anything about that?"

Lani looked up almost looking relieved.

"Karma. Just the person I wanted to see, um, what kind of dances do you know?"

"Uh, well, all of them really. Some better than others. Why do you ask?"

Lani took a breath and began to tell Karma what was going on.

* * *

Later:

"Are you serous?"

"I wish I wasn't." Lani sighed.

"So, when do you think we should break it to them?"

"Tezla said right now."

Karma groaned.

"Well, we might as well get it over with."

With a small nod, Lani and Karma marched back to the relax room. Out side the door Lani spoke up.

"Maybe it won't be as hard as we think."

As the doors slid open all their hopes of the job being easy died.

Marky was holding Kurt off the ground trying to talk sense into him while Pork Chop stood in front of Monkey as a barrier just in case Kurt got loose.

Taro was arguing with Tork about what channel they were going to watch on TV.

Vert and Nolo were fighting over the last piece of pizza and Shirako was oblivious of it all while listening to his music.

"We're doomed." Lani groaned.

Karma nodded her head and stepped forward.

"Guys."

No one heard her.

**"Guys!"**

All heads turned, giving Karma their undivided attention.

"We've got some news for you."

* * *

**How'd ya like that? Thanks for your reviews!**

**Next chapter: Chaos begins.**


	3. The chosen ones

**Thanks for the reviews everyone! I'm so glad you like it!**

* * *

The men waited in anticipation for what the girls were going to tell them. But Karma was waiting for Lani to tell them and Lani was doing the same.

Finally Karma nudged Lani.

"Um, Tezla recently contacted a old friend of his in college and"

"Tezla has friends?" Vert asked.

the room was filled with a faint chuckle, which gave Nolo the chance to snatch the piece of pizza that they were fighting over, which forced Vert to use drastic measures by elbowing his leader in his ribs. They started brawling until the sound of Karma clearing her throat. The boy sheepishly stopped and yet again gave all the attention they could muster to the two girls, that is, after Vert snatched the pizza out of Nolo's hands.

"As I was saying, Tezla's friend from college has invited Tezla to a formal banquet."

"And that concerns us because?" Taro questioned.

"What Karma is trying to tell you is" Lani was again interrupted by Vert.

"Duh! Tezla's going to be gone! I got one word for you guys: PAR-TY! Oh Yeah!"

Vert was in the process of slipping the piece of pizza down his throat, when Karma corrected him.

"No Vert. Tezla was also told to bring along his very polite and well bread workers with him. And of course since he really has no one that fits that qualification, he's bringing us."

Vert Choked on the pizza that was halfway down his throat. But everyone else was to shock stricken to help, or notice for that matter.

"What did you say?" Nolo whispered.

"Exactly what you heard Nolo. Tezla has assigned Lani and myself to educate you in the ways of formal dining and hospitality."

The room fell into a deathly silence. You could hear a pin drop to the floor.

"Oh I get it! It's a joke!" Monkey laughed.

"Man that's a good one girls. You almost had me fooled there! Wow that's an even better prank then when Kurt convinced us that he had committed suicide with the sleeping pills!"

Monkey laughed again and wiped a tear from his eye, but he then noticed that the rest of the room wasn't laughing. On the contrary, the Teku were staring speechlessly at the girls, while a few of the Maniacs were whimpering.

"It's not a joke?" Monkey stated.

"No it's not. Now, are you boys going to cooperate? Or are we going to force you?" Karma waited for their reply.

The men seemed to be contemplating what to do. The girls did tend to get violent at times, plus the two of them put together could round up enough black-mail on each of them to make them do anything!

After a while, they all nodded their heads slowly.

"Great! Now I forgot to tell you that Tezla will only be taking a few of you, he's working on a list right now, Marky is definitely not going."

"Yes!" Marky shouted. Receiving quite a few death glares from his envious fellow racers.

Just them the com-link to the room buzzed. Signaling that Tezla wanted to talk.

Lani picked up the phone.

"Yes Doctor Tezla? You do? Ok hang on let me write this down."

Lani scanned over the room and snatched the pencil and note pad that was sitting on the side table.

"Ok go." Lani started writing.

After what felt like hours Lani hung up and turned to the room of people waiting to hear what poor unfortunate souls would have to participate in Tezla problem.

"Ok, so me and Karma are going, um, Kurt, Nolo, Vert, Tork, Taro, and Monkey? you guys to."

"Hey wait a minute!" Vert interjected.

'How come Shirako and Pork Chop don't have to go?"

Karma and Lani exchanged glances and looked over to the two racers in question.

Shirako had stood up and was dancing to his music. While Pork Chop was chomping down on a greasy piece of fried chicken.

"Oh, yeah." Vert muttered.

"Besides Vert, we have least amount of chance to get Pork Chop into a tuxedo, let alone finding one that fits."

"Hold on, did you say, _tuxedo_?" Nolo questioned.

"Yes Nolo, _tuxedo_." Karma replied with a grin, revealing a long yellow, sewing tape measure.

"Lani, you get the dance music from Tezla while I get the boy's measurements. Something tells me this will be very interesting."

While Lani left the room, all the men doomed to the same fate shrank back into a corner with Karma slowly approaching with a evil grin on her face.

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**Well how was that?**

**Next Chapter: Dance lessons!**

**reviews are always appreciated!  
**


	4. So it begins

**Don't worry my dear friends I have not forgotten you! I just had a severe case of writers block!**

**Well, here I go!**

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The measuring for the outfits took much longer than it should have. Four hours long to be exact.

But finally, Karma was putting away the tape measure while Lani, who had been choosing out cds to practice with, began choosing dance partners.

"Ok, Taro your with Karma."

Taro nodded and shared a "look" with Karma.

"Nolo your with me, and since there's a lack of girls around here, I'm gonna have to pair up the rest of you with each other."

"What?!" Was the unison reply from the rest of the men.

"You heard me. Let's see, Vert, you take the guy's part and Monkey takes the girls. Tork, your male and Kurt's female."

Kurt glared at a cracking up Marky while Pork Chop bared the way of an escaping Monkey.

"Ok boys, in your places, Monkey Kurt, put your left hand of your partners shoulder and hold your partners hand with your right like this."

Kurt and Monkey begrudgingly followed Lani and Karma's motions.

"Ok now Taor, Nolo, Vert, and Tork, put your right hand of your partners hip."

Marky fell onto the floor in a fit of laughter while Vert and Tork awkwardly did as they were told.

"Before we get started with dancing," Karma said.

"You should learn how to lead your partner onto the dance floor. First the men lead their partner by holding hands then he bows, and the women curtsy. Try it."

Mumbling words that were probably deemed unfit for children to hear, Kurt allowed Tork to take his hand and lead him out to the cleared out space that served as their dance floor. Tork bowed, and Kurt curtsied.

At this point Marky was gasping for breath from laughing so much, Shirako was secretally videoing with a smirk on his face, and Pork Chop looked thoroughly disturbed.

Lani, while trying to hold back her own set of giggles, continued.

"Ok, yeah that's good, but now we teach you how to dance. Get back into your previous positions, that's right, now for those who have the male part, begin with moving your foot forward."

Tork and Vert did as they were told, but only Kurt had the good enough sence to move his foot out of the was before it was permantly flattened by Tork.

"YOUCH!" Monkey yelped and grabbed his foot.

"Monkey you were suposed to move your foot back." Lani gave an exasperated sigh.

"Well you didn't tell me that." Monkey replied while hopping on one foot.

"Let's try this again." Karma hit play on the cd player and classical music began flowwing out of the speakers.

"Right foot forward, left foot, right foot, that's good. Not put it to count, one , two three, one, two three."

Marky whiped a tear from his eye and continued watching as Tork akwardly danced with Kurt across the floor.

* * *

Shirako carefully, so not to alert any of the guys that he was videoing the whole time, put away his camera and began wondering what he should title this one on youtube.

Kurt, Monkey, Karma and Lani were rubbing their sore feet that had been stepped on for over two hours. And they only learned the basic step!

"That's it!" Vert said.

"That's all I'm gonna do for the rest of the year! I'm going to fall asleep and won't wake up till spring!"

"Unfortunately Vert, we only just began. Tomorrow we'll get into more complicated dances, and propper table manners."

"_Propper_? What's wrong with the table manners I've got?" Monkey asked. And he got his answer when all the racers looked sceptically at him.

"Ok, so I don't have _perfect_ table manners, so what?"

"You don't have perfect manners period." Kurt stated while getting up.

"I'm going to turn in. See you all in the morning."

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**Well how was that?**

**reviews are always appreciated!  
**


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